this is a post that is titleless

sorry it's been so long, i have so much damn homework. this blog is being kept away from my class mates (and parents) so i will admit this to the internet, if i don't get a boyfriend soon, i don't think i will be able to stay here. i would like to go out with either of two of the boys in my class in particular and wouldn't mind going out with three of the others (might i add that that leaves 1 boy in my class, and he is already going out with one of the girls in my class). I just don't think that i will be able to take it. last night i called my mother and almost said "i want to come home" and i don't want to leave but it might all become too much for me, i only just turned 15. i honestly didn't think that it would be so hard to be without my parents. so if for some reason you who are reading this is one of the boys in my class, i need to be loved, kissed at very least, and i will be alright. i like my class and my life but i don't think that i will be able to live like this for much longer.

the farm

lolz i moved...

i live on a farm now, we have cows and chickens and very old pets.

i have a tiny room now, it's very clean though. and i'm needing to do tons and tons of reading! so i need to go read now so goodbye everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3~elsie

this is poppy!

update and poppy!!

hi everyone!

i got back from my trip to Maryland a few days ago. my was that eventful! there was a fire nearly every day that i was there (by fire i mean like a controlled fire like a camp fire except not camping... i think that you get the point) leading me to discover that the Jacobs (my half dad's family)are pyromaniacs. and even though I'm a Wilson, i seem to have a bit of it too. one of my cousins (i say cousins but there really my half cousins but I'm treated as family and i consider them as family so i call them family.... did that make sense???) one of my cousins who is like 27 or something got drunk and started going off about how the red coats are coming and how poorly armed they are and how much better armed we (the militia) are (historically inacutate i might add, it was in fact the oppisite)(that is censored a bit as he was drunk and inserted many swears to that little speach) . he dosen't remember that. and i later talked to his wife and found out that he actually does that rather often when he's drunk and she said he was sleep talking and was saying things to that nature. i found that really funny.

my old cat died at the age of 15 mmmmmmmmmmm,eddddsvfc (that was poppy walking on the keybord) and so ron said that we could get another cat. i have been pestering my parents about getting my friend's kitten for some time and i am now the happy owner of poppy! she is really cute. I used to have a mess of allergies one of which was cats (even though i lived with a cat...) that allergy has apperently not completely gone away. i am sneezing my self silly and my eyes are bright red.... i think that i have consumed more benidryl this week than i have in any other week in my life.

well, i have written enough for one day so i will talk with you later !

bye bye!

oh sweet summer.

yeah.....

by the end of the first week i had a sunburn...

i don't know if i told you about this but i lost my phone for like 3 weeks.

my mother found my it.

and that wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't found it in a place that i had looked in multiple times.

UGGG >.<

summer

ahhhh summer..... as probibally anyone who reads this blog knows, i am going to vermont for highschool. we are planning to head to vermont around the 22 of august. I will still be up on this blog but i will not be yin north carolina anymore.....

stay in touch!!!!!!

i spoke too soon

I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BBBBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!! i sat with "the guys" (nick, dillon, tristan, alex) and it was horrible! they started talking about the navy (which i dispise, i don't dispise the navy, i dispise when they talk about the navy) and then they started a burping contest. i thought that i would actually kill myself. in science, the teacher was totally unreasonible (someone asked another person for a book and she sent them out of the classroom!) and i took a sharpie to my bangs and gave myself red and black streaks. i looked amazing! that is the new thing for me. maybe i'll do blue streaks next. kewl...

men's shirts, short skirts and "the guys"

lol, i was listening to that song (man, i feel like a woman) on youtube today and i started wondering, why are men so attracted to women in men's shirts? It's true though, all the guys that i have gone out with have gone absolutely crazy when they see me in one of there button up shirts! i don't see why though. maybe it's just a guy thing, idk! 

in other news i kinda miss eating lunch with the guys. i know that this seems really dumb. oh, right, you don't know who the guys are. "the guys" are a group of extremely immature boys who laugh at everything (note:i am not including the one (maybe two) person (people) who don't laugh at everything in this, they are the people who are part of this group but are not quite as... shall we say idiotic?). 

laughing senseless because someone does something even remotely funny (or not funny at all) (like burping, they kinda make a game out of it... it is sometimes funny i guess but not nearly as funny as they make it out to be, their faces will turn bright red with laughter... no joke with that one) feeling like that smartest person on the planet (and being a complete smart ass...lol i guess i am a smart ass pretty much all the time. this person at my school even told me that i make them feel totally feel stupid.) 

for a bit of the back history on that one, that was the group that i went to after i met nick on the bus (in truth, i don't really remember when we met but i kinda told nick that i do remember) i guess that i kinda seek refuge (or at least a seat with them at lunch) with the other class (in 7th it was 8th and with 8th now it's 7th) probably because i don't have to spend as much time with them. so i started sitting with nick, Cory, Dillon, Tristan, and Alex and Nate also sat with us some times too. not the best table manners if you know what i mean. long story short nick and i started going out. we saw a movie, went ice skating, hung out. i'm planning on moving out of state to go to high school and i figured out after about two months that we were way to close. if it had gone on much longer then i don't think that i would have been able to let go. maybe it was selfish but i broke it off with him. 

Anyway, i pretty much stopped sitting with the guys when i broke it off with nick. i might start sitting with them though because i miss it (not the going out with nick part, the sitting with the guys part). 

friday... i think

I'm depressed about something. i don't know what though. the only reason that i know that something is wrong is that there is a feeling in my stomach. you know, that feeling that you feel along your spine, and at the back of your throat and in your chest. I can't get rid of it. well i guess  i could get rid of it, by snuggling up with a guy, someone who will always be there for me and who will love me unconditionally. and who probably doesn't exist and if he does exist, than I'm probably the last girl in the world who he would go out with. and he also would have to respect my super secret asperation, to be a cop. wow, did i just say that? i didn't really mean to. i mean i did but, just don't tell anyone! most people that i've met don't except me as it is. And the one person who will actually talk to me, got a boyfriend (who now wants to kill me because I "never leave her side". They have spent the past four days together!). i found out that one of my friends likes my favorite singer, maybe he is the perfect match for me. idk.  i'm confusing aren't i? 

why me?

lately I've been feeling very very lonely. No body has really talked to me except for that &@$# head Jordan. One of my friends got a boyfriend (who is very nice to me... when it's just me and him talking) and now she is spending time with him at recess and lunch. Not that i exactly mind, they're a very cute couple (i wonder how long this will last. the last one lasted about four months i think, I'm not exactly sure exact dates though). they look good together, he is more gentle around her, they are just a very good couple. I want to hang out with some of the boys (not at all romantically) but if you even sit near a person of the oppisite gender for more than 3 days at a time, you will be accused of liking that person. Now, normally, that wouldn't bother me in the slightest but i do kinda have a miniscule thing for nate (who i have mentioned before) but that is probibally because he was there for me when i needed it. i had a little thing for horus after he was assigned into my group when we did the ropes corse (but it was me that was there for him when he was terrified out of his mind). that completely diminshed within two-three weeks so maybe this thing with nate will too (did i mention before that nate has a girlfriend? or that I got my last boyfriend to dump his girlfriend, yeah i'm that persuiesive) but who knows. 

Did you hear in the season finale of CSI:NEW YORK that Flack's girlfriend was killed??? it was very tramutic! anyway, i have a reading assignment due tomorrow and also, a math EOGT (End Of Grade Test, state requirement for north carolina. it sucks.) and the rest of my class did it today (took the test that is) and a bunch of people didn't finish before lunch, i'm kinda nervorous about it but it's whatever. ttyl! 

P.S. to jordan the 3&@$# head, FireBunny? (the story on that, that is his nickname for his gmail account. Very MANLY you 3&@$# head!)

thank yous+ the tramatic event that gave occation for one of them

first of all, i would like to thank Levi for forgiving me.  

Second, i would like to thank Nate for being there for me. this is how the story goes: we were in social studies class (as i mentioned before, each class has around 16 people in it) looking at a website for our current unit of study (economics) when there was a knock on the door. It was frank, who is pretty much the school handyman needing to talk to the teacher (ted for this class). the two stepped out the door for a second to discuss something. i was on the opposite of the room so i couldn't hear them. seconds later ted entered the classroom again. Apparently it was raining because ted had a few drops of water on his shirt. i didn't think much of it at the time but i do now. It couldn't have been more than a minute before the fire alarm went off. 

"don't respond to that please, frank just warned me that that might happen and that we should just ignore it." yelled ted over the fire alarm. If  you have ever been in a school when the fire alarm goes off, you know how incredibly hard it is to ignore (with the blaring alarm and the flashing lights an all) but the alarm discontinued in a about a minute. 

they must be running some tests on the alarm systems I thought. we continued on doing the things that we had been doing until the intercom came on and someone said "teachers please get your classes to the natural disaster safety positions" and we all went to the tiny back room. 

Now you must know that our classrooms are in what is best described as six double wide trailers. they are all separated so we have to go outside to get to our next classes. the school has recently invested in building a new building which is commonly referred to as "the new building". 

For some reason i felt the need to be near one of the boys but i ended up lodged between Luci and Rachel with phoebe across from me. we all sat down. It didn't smell good at all in that room and when i looked around i realised why, there was a hamburger, covered in a whitish greenish mold and smelling heavily of decomposition, right next to my right ear. 

"when is this drill going to be over?" inquired somebody to my right after a while

"this isn't a drill" said ted. 

I must say, that was quite reassuring (NOT!).  Seconds later ted got a call on his cellphone.

"were going to the new building" was what he said after he hung up.

we all rushed to the door. when it was opened, we could see rain pelting the ground. each person ran out into the the rain. water was flowing over everything. i couldn't help but think how absolutely beautiful everything looked. there must have been about half of an inch of water flowing across the parking lot. We entered the new building and veered to the right into a medium large room that looked like half of a hexagon and squished across the inside wall. we were inside the building and in safety. more kids and teachers streamed into the door. Everyone was completely soaked. the 8th grade was in the room and 6th and 7th were following.  we all sat against the wall. i was to the far back of the room leaning against a sink. One of the seventh graders (Nate) was looking around for a place to sit. i gestured to right next to me and he came and sat down. i was huddled up into a ball and shaking (not only was i wet and the room was cold but i was scared out of my mind) but i still smiled at him. ted commanded everybody's attention. "there has been a tornado watch posted for this area. we are pretty safe here though, these walls are a full foot of concrete. we will stay down here until the post has been withdrawn."

We sat in silence for a while. 

"everybody partner up with someone sitting near you." i looked over to Nate and held out my hand. he took it. it was so comforting to know that someone was near me that would look out for me.  I was expecting to clasp for a second then releas but he held on. maybe he could see that I needed it. what ever the reason i was greatful for his hand wraped around mine. it must have been around an hour that we stayed like that. just being quiet and sometimes wispering to eachother how much we wished that we had our cellphones with us so that we could check on our families. 

I sometimes wonder how long we would have stayed like that if i hadn't let go of his hand. i didn't want his girlfriend to see us like that (yeah, she was in the room too) and i didn't want the other people in my class to see us holding hands (that would result with not only people teasing us but possibaly nate and his girlfriend's breakup).

When we finally got out of there, i looked up at nate and said "thank you".

So again, thankyou so much nate, you were there when i needed somebody the most and you really helped me get through the tornatio watch.

 ~elsie    

I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

SORRY LEVI!!!!!

umm... he's a lier!

lol... i spelled lier wrong!  but i really don't know why i named the title that, i just did so shut up! i'm kidding you people! actually i want you guys to comment! comment comment comment!!!!!!!!

for all those who like the boston red sox (that's baseball for those who don't know... http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/index.jsp?c_id=bos )

GO RED SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's just a freeking cake!

hi everyone!

 

ever year in our family we bake a cake (usually on or around easter) i have no idea how it started or who started it (i think that i started it, maybe... ikd) it's a bunny cake like this one which i made last year which is on top of this entry... (lol i don't like how this is set up.) 

it's always really good (and yes that is a chocolate square on the bow tie it's actually a mint chocolate square... i really don't know how i remember that)  but this year i decided that i wanted a chocolate cake. we have two cats and one of them turned 15 recentally (i k... older then me... don't rub it in.) so i decided to make a kitty cake. my mother flipped out! she claimed that it was supposed to be a bunny.  right so here is the pic of the cake and also the 15 year old kitty !(and it ended up on the top of the page... lol i really hate this stupid thing!

 

omg! i got away with it!

yeah, as it says in the title, i got clean away with it, and i didn't go the the concert which too forever to play two songs. I stayed home and watched CSI:NY

lol i love CSI:NY yes, as hard as it is to admit, I AM A CRIME SHOW JUNKIE! okay, not that hard to admit. I feed off suspence. I love them.

MY faves:

• CSI
• CSI:New York
• Bones
• NUMB3RS
• NCIS
• Medium
• The Mentalist
• Lie To Me
• Life
• Flashpoint

yeah i know, pretty much all of them, except CSI:Miami, i HATE CSI:Miami! I just don't like the Charicters and come on, A guy who sets it up so that he gets shot and it looks like he's dead, he's gotta be either an idiot or someone who i will never understand or connect to, in addition, (yes i know this sounds very shallow but it add quite a bit of likability to any show) i don't find any of the charicters of perticular likability (in other words, i think there hot... lol) and i just don't like it. btw... don't get me started on the "who i find attractive part" i guess it's a cop's willingness to protect and take people who have done wrong (and they almost always have a killer body) right, getting too persosnal???? right stopping now. well... gtg

bye bye ^_^

stupid old guys

my parents are discussing punishment ideas while going to the sympony. Oh my. They are threating to "punish me in ways that i have never even thought of". Right, so if i never write again it's because i'm no longer living. ok i probibally am living but i don't have acess to the internet. well, my parents don't exactally know that i have a blog. right so, yeah,  i'm gonna go hide all the things that are valuable to me. i hope that my parnets don't actually go through with this. 

right, i just got a text massage from my dad saying "i just wanted to let you know that i'm not mad" i give it a day, maybe two. and i doubt that they will go through with anything. but just incase i hid my ipod, gameboy, cell phone... etc. 

so, seeyah! hope to talk again soon. bye bye ^_^ 

spring break

ahhh spring break. the one week were it's okay to stay awake untill 4 in the morning. 

yes. that is in fact what i have been doing these past days. i've watched a bunch of movies too. 

My offical movie list:

• Blue lagoon

           A very good movie about a girl and a boy stranded on a desert island learning about each other and about love (Rated R)

• blue juice

   Another good movie about a group of friends who love to surf and who are just about to turn thirty discovering what adult life is. (Rated R)

• polish wedding

          Again, another good movie about a immagrant family (you guessed it, from poliand) from the point of view of a fifteen year old. (Rated PG-13)

• american virgin

another movie (not as good as the previous three) about a seventeen year old who desides loose her virginity on her 18th birthday (Rated R for obvious reasons) 

• head over heels

A very funny movie about a normal girl (with the worst taste in men ever!) who lives with four models (Rated PG-13)

• bad girls from valley high
  

a strange movie about these three girls who murdered someone and are having to live with the guilt (Rated R for reasons that i really don't understand, no neudity, no blood or anything that i would say would warrent more than a rating of PG-13)

so yeah, that's pretty much it, 

evil plot to kill the world?

Today i feel all evil revenge ish. haha i know, that will probibally never happen.i just feel like i want to be the tough girl in the pack. yeah i know, totally never gonna happen. it's not my fault that when a hot guy passes by i melt like chocolate in 500 degree weather. i'm like angela on the last eppisode of bones (the one about the dead guy in the tiger pen at the zoo) lol.   

yawn

tomorrow as many people know is april fools day. I cooked up some of the best pranks! first, i painted the soap with clear nail polish so it won't give off any suds, then i took some cream cheese and filled in the top of my dad's deoderant. he'll kill me in the morning i just know it! lol i want to see his reaction.

maturity has never been in question for me since the 3rd grade. i've always been too mature for my age and too knolageible at my age for people to grasp. i believe that i have gotten to mature for being 14. i'll explain

My mother bought me a new shirt. i looked at the shirt and i exploded. i don't know what got into me. i started lecturing her on how i could understand being a bit frivilous with food but i had plenty of clothes and didn't want more. i had told her again and again that i don't want more clothes and also i have plenty already. and it she should on the rare occation find something that she just couldn't pass up, she should take a picture of it and send it to me through our cell phones and i would send back feedback. 

she just did it one too many times. going out and shopping on her own (dangerous in itself because she usually spends a fourtune and we don't have tons of money) then she bought a shirt without asking me first or even considering that i have a shirt almost exactally like it in my room and i usually don't wear it. then she comes home and presents it to me expecting for me to instantly fall in love and wear it all the time for the rest of eternaty. 

i lectured and lectured. i realised right about in the middle that i was crying.  i was so dissapointed with her. we don't have the money, she should focus on what we NEED, insted of stupid and senceless impulse buys. 

we got rear-ended two years ago and my mother suffered neck injuries. she is a violinist and uses her neck for work. She has spent thousands on metical bills and she has majorly large credit card bills. we just can't afford these kinds of things. and she needs to learn this.  

lately my mother isn't the woman she used to be. she hangs out with one of her friends a lot more then i think is healthy. her friend is mixed up in some pretty bad things. i don't know her that well, but i know that she does things that...that i believe a law abiding citizen would not do. she gambels and smokes and is pregnant (though she knows who the father is... i think...) she is not married and i don't believe is in her life anymore. (i do believe that you should be married to the man who's baby you are carring unless you have gotten "medically assisted" pregnant. i believe that the father and mother need to be together for the first five or six years to provide stabibity which i believe is crutial to rasing a healthy and confident child. my father really isn't in my life. a week a year is pretty much all i see of him, he and my mother were never married and this information probibally greatly influences what i think about a stable household.) i know that my mother smoked when she was in college but i know a lot of people who did that. i recently found out that my mother has started up again. (i will never smoke and that's a garuntee because i know what it does to people) that is about consistant with when she started hanging out with this friend. i know she dissaproves of gambeling or she says that she does. But how am i to believe her when she is lieing to me so much. in reality, i don't know where she goes when she says she at her friends with. i really don't care if she is having a little fun with the oppisite gender but i dont' want her doing things that are endangering her health. After she retreated with a big smile on her face which was totally unwarrented i went into my room and cired my eyes out. i am doing more than my part to keep this little family afloat, i use food that we already have around the house to make meals, i just renovated a pair of too tight jeans to fit with a few hours and a $5.00 ball of yarn when i could have asked for a new pair wich would probibly cost upwards of $20.00. don't buy new books, i take them out from the library. but i'm only 14. i can't get a job (you have to be 15 in this area) to help support the family. my parents won't let me do the shopping by myself to get just the items that we need. pretty much all that is in my power is to get good grades and hope for a scolorship to college or i'm not going to be able to go to college at all and yell when they don't make the right decitions to hopefully teach them that that was a bad thing to do. i feel like the parent.